Chasing Strength: A Harper Family Romance Read online

  Alexis immediately regretted her words. “I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean that. I’m just, well, I don’t know what the hell I am right now.”

  Serena opened her mouth and then closed it again. At least one of them had the ability to hold their tongue. But not for long. “You’ve changed recently, and not all for the better. How about we start with that?”

  She drew in a deep breath. This was a more serious conversation than she was able to have with her pounding headache. “I know I’ve changed. It’s just that, uh, I feel lost a lot of the time. Since, you know, we found out about Rachel.”

  Now it was Serena’s turn to comfort her. “It has been hard for all of us. But we’ve all had each other to lean on. Except you. I know sometimes you’d rather go at it alone, but we all understand. And I know you get depressed at times but I’m here for you. We all are. But you don’t seem to want our help.”

  That was because she didn’t know how to tell her sister that she was afraid she was turning into their father. That she was becoming exactly like the one person she hated and loved the most. That sometimes the only way to handle the day-to-day slog of her life when her depression kicked in was to drown it with alcohol. Her father’s drinking had been the worst part of her childhood, and here she was doing the same.

  That scared her more than anything else in the world.

  “If you won’t talk to us, talk to somebody. A counselor. Someone who can help you find yourself again. You used to see one when we were younger, but you stopped. I’m simply asking you to try again. Please, Alexis.”

  At this point, Alexis would try anything. She couldn’t keep up with the way her life was headed right now, emotionally or financially. “It’s not that I don’t want your help.” She squeezed her fingers so tight that her ragged nails dug into her palms. “I was embarrassed.”

  “About what?”

  “I don’t know. Everything. Ever since we were kids, I would see other families—happy families—and I would wonder why we couldn’t have that. I hate myself for saying this, but it was better after Dad died.”

  Serena squeezed Alexis’s hand. “Oh, Alexis. Don’t you know we all went through the exact same thing? It’s so hard when you hate the person you are supposed to love. I loved him because he was our father, but I hated his drinking and his yelling and everything about how he treated Mom and us kids. And that’s not to mention his affairs. How do you think I felt when I found out about our half-sister? Devastated.”

  Serena had never shared those feelings with Alexis before. To see her, all smiles and a kind word for everyone, Alexis would have never guessed that Serena struggled with the same issues. Why hadn’t Serena at least told her? Because Alexis had been less than forthcoming herself? “I’ve been trying to find my own happiness for a long time, but everything I try doesn’t work.”

  At those words, Serena hopped up from her chair and threw her arms around Alexis from behind, resting her chin on Alexis’s shoulder. “You should have said something. I hate to see you so distraught. I just want you to be happy… like you deserve.”

  From her lips to God’s ears. After last night, Alexis was certain she wouldn’t find it in a drunken stupor, even though the alcohol helped numb the ache and uncertainty. “I want that, too. I see everyone around me happy—you, Izzy, Justin—and I want that for myself.”

  The twinkle returned to Serena’s eyes. “Then I think it’s about time we find you a sexy man like Chase.”

  Alexis’s mind flashed to the note stashed beneath her leg. She only had a vague image of the man who’d brought her home, but anyone who would protect her like that and not try to take advantage of the situation was someone worth knowing, right?

  “So, will you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Be my maid of honor?”

  There was nothing she wanted more than to stand by her side and celebrate her happiness. “Of course. I love you, sis.”

  “I love you, too. Promise me you’ll come to me if you want to talk. About anything.”

  “I will.”

  She couldn’t remember the last time her future looked this bright. Her twin sister was getting married to the man of her dreams. If she could find love, maybe Alexis could, too.

  After showing Serena out, Alexis stumbled into the shower to rinse off the stink of last night, scrubbing every last trace of black smudge off her face and smoke out of her hair. The image that greeted her in the mirror when she finished was one full of hope, her eyes bright and her smile a little easier. A complete opposite from the train wreck of this morning.

  She padded back into the kitchen and stared at the note from Chris. She fingered it again. She should, at the very least, send him a text to thank him for last night and let him know she was okay.

  But an image of him had formed more clearly in her mind, and she really wanted to put a voice to the strong lines of his jaw, the gentle eyes that looked at her with respect and not disdain.

  Before she could stop herself, she dialed his number. The phone on the other end rang once… and then twice.

  She couldn’t do this. He was just being nice when he’d said to call. He probably never expected her to and wouldn’t want to be bothered. She stabbed the red button to end the call before she completely embarrassed herself.

  No, Alexis, last night was when you embarrassed yourself. Today she was turning over a new leaf. And the first step in that process was to talk to the man who’d showed her kindness when she couldn’t find it for herself.

  She sucked in a deep breath and pressed the numbers again. This time, the phone rang once before she heard a voice on the other end. “Hello?”

  Chapter 4

  Alexis picked a piece off the corner of the paper napkin, stacking it in the pile that she had built in front of her. Rip, pile, rip, pile. The process was almost cathartic… and kept her from bolting before Chris arrived. As it was, she had to practically drag herself out of her car when she’d pulled up outside the restaurant he’d suggested for lunch.

  What if she’d done something really embarrassing last night? Well, something worse than getting wasted and needing a ride home.

  She glanced at her watch. Five minutes left. Maybe he wasn’t coming. He’d probably hung up the phone after suggesting they meet and been pummeled by second thoughts. To him, she was a pathetic drunk girl who could barely take care of herself.

  Stop it, Alexis. The first step toward finding happiness like her sister was to stop putting herself down. But some habits were hard to break, and her father’s voice loomed large in her head, reminding her how unworthy she was of being loved.

  A fair-haired man with broad shoulders approached her table. A smile lit up his face.

  “Chris?”

  “Yep. Hey.”

  At least he hadn’t stood her up. She gestured to the chair opposite her. “Have a seat.”

  As Chris settled into his chair and ordered an iced tea from the waitress, she studied him. Too bad her memories of last night were fuzzy, because this man was incredibly sexy. Broad shoulders wrapped in a pressed dress shirt and a tie, a day’s worth of stubble on his chin. Damn, this man was f-iii-nnn-eee.

  Why in the heck was this guy so interested in meeting for lunch? There was no way she was in his league. But he’d insisted… and the new Alexis wanted to say yes.

  So, she had.

  He fiddled with his menu but didn’t say anything. Was he waiting for her? He didn’t know that her memories of last night were a blur. She’d managed to evade his most probing questions on the phone, and she had agreed to meet in hopes of discovering more without letting on to her alcohol oblivion.

  Uncomfortable under his intense scrutiny, she scanned the room. “This place looks nice. I don’t think I’ve been here before.”

  The restaurant he’d suggested was halfway between Cedar Hill and Philadelphia, another bonus. She was less likely to run into anyone she knew. He pegged her with his hazel gaze that triggered a memory from last
night. Soothing eyes in a sea of darkness and fear. “I found it a while back. Because it’s a little off the beaten path, it’s not usually crowded.”

  A point for him in the plus column. “Since you’re a regular, what do you suggest?”

  He scratched at his chin thoughtfully. “It’s hard to say. I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve had here. They have a great steak salad with house Italian dressing, and I rarely pass up the crab cake sliders when they’re available.” He folded his menu in front of him. “As a matter of fact, that’s what I’m getting.”

  She scanned her lunch options a number of times, but her mind failed to process anything other than the man across from her. “I’ll try the steak salad, but it’s your fault if I hate it.”

  His laugh washed over her. He had a great laugh, and it relaxed all of his features. “You won’t, but if you do, I’ll trade you for my crab cakes.”

  “You’ve got a deal.” She should be uncomfortable agreeing so easily to share food with someone she’d barely met. That was something that couples did. But surprisingly, the sentiment comforted her.

  A minute later, they placed their orders, and once the waitress left, it was just the two of them. It had been a long time since Alexis had gone on a date with a man. Sober, at least. When she met a guy at a bar, she didn’t have to do much more than laugh at whatever they said and sip on the drink in front of her.

  That wouldn’t work today, so she was feeling a bit tongue tied with this handsome man sitting across from her.

  “How’s Bandit this morning?”

  Thank God he’d broken the silence... and with an easy topic. “He’s great. I appreciate you letting him out last night. Otherwise, he’d have been pouncing on my bladder at about four a.m. or would have left me a nice puddle on the kitchen floor.”

  “You’re welcome. What kind of dog is he anyway?”

  “I don’t really know.” She remembered another day similar to this one when Serena had shown up on her doorstep with the pooch. “My sister Serena runs an animal shelter on the outskirts of town, and she asked me to foster him… about eight months ago. I’m convinced he won’t ever get adopted.”

  “Or your sister never intended him to be. Maybe she thought you were the right person for him.”

  Alexis had considered that, but why would anyone trust her with the welfare of another creature? She could barely take care of herself. Chris had a point, though. “Now you sound like Serena.”

  “Sounds like a great arrangement to me. Someone to keep you company when you’re home and guard your house when you’re out.”

  Guard dog? Yeah, right. That was a hoot. “His normal modus operandi is to flip over and show anyone who comes to the house his belly. I doubt he’d be a very good guard dog.”

  His smile put her at ease. He didn’t look nervous at all, unlike her. “He made his presence known through the door. Barking is usually enough to scare off an intruder.”

  She looked at him for a minute, until the silence grew uncomfortable. “Tell me a little bit about yourself. What is it that you do?”

  “I’m a staff writer for the Gazette.”

  Color her surprised. “Really? Would I have read anything that you wrote?”

  “Probably. It’s not like Cedar Hill is a hotbed of breaking news, though. A lot of the articles I write are special interest pieces, but once in a while something drops in our lap.” His smile faltered as if he was remembering some less enjoyable aspects of his job, but it returned before she felt too bad about asking.

  “Did you write the article earlier this year about Tanner Ross and the expansion at the teen center?”

  Chris dipped a hunk of bread in the seasoned oil. “I did. He’s a great guy.”

  “And my brother-in-law.”

  Chris’s eyebrows shot up and his hand froze with the hunk of bread halfway to his mouth. “No way. Really?”

  “Yep, my big sister Izzy married him last year.”

  “It certainly is a small world. I can’t believe I’ve lived in Cedar Hill all these years and haven’t met you before now.”

  In a town the size of Cedar Hill, it was hard to be anonymous. And working at the Gazette… hell, they could have crossed paths before. That mortified her even more, that Chris could be someone she’d met and forgotten. “How long have you written for the Gazette?”

  “As long as I’ve lived in Cedar Hill. Three years.”

  At least they hadn’t worked together. She felt certain she would remember if she’d met this man before.

  As Chris steered the conversation toward an upcoming event he was slated to cover, she studied him. Why hadn’t he brought up last night? Why didn’t he ask, like everyone else in her life, why she was drunk and allowing herself to be manhandled by some jerk?

  He might be dancing around the issue intentionally, but she wasn’t about to ignore the elephant in the room. After their meals had been served, Alexis spotted her opening.

  “So, Chris, what were you doing in FitzGerald’s last night? From what I can remember, you didn’t seem as if you were having fun.” A memory of him huddled on a bar stool while she downed not one but two cocktails flashed in her mind. She’d pretty much snubbed him, turning her back on a man who was just trying to be nice.

  Chris’s head snapped up and he coughed on the bite of food. She covered her mouth to disguise her laugh. She hadn’t meant to startle him, but his wide eyes and shocked expression were amusing. “I was there with a couple of buddies. But I was looking for someone.”

  He didn’t seem like he was looking for a hookup last night, as far as she could remember. “Did you find that person?”

  His brows ticked down in a scowl. “No, not yet.”

  “That sounds mysterious.” And intriguing. She loved nothing more than a good mystery. Chris was serving up clues in spades, answering her questions with nothing but the facts, ma’am like the reporter he was. After he didn’t elaborate, or even respond to her retort, she shifted gears. “Tell me more about your job. How did you become a reporter?”

  He might not have wanted to relive last night any more than she did, but he didn’t have any problems opening up about his career. For the next several minutes, Chris talked about growing up, strolling with his grandfather on Saturday mornings to buy a newspaper to read about what had happened that week. How he had always wanted to be the person who reported the news.

  His motivation for becoming a reporter wasn’t at all unlike her drive to be an author.

  But as he regaled her with stories of some of the more comical happenings he’d covered for the Gazette, a thought struck her. What he described was an incredibly normal life. He went to work, he did his job, he went out with friends once in a while, and he went home.

  He revealed the kind of happy childhood that she could barely relate to. The one she and her siblings hadn’t gotten the chance to experience. Yet her siblings had gone on to create happy lives for themselves, leaving her alone.

  Listening to him reminded her how not normal her life had been, and still was. And not just because she had a nontraditional career that entailed spending a lot of time alone, dreaming about warped, twisted people. And that was just her characters.

  Chris finished the last bite of his crab cake and dropped his fork to his plate. “I’ve been talking about me all this time. How about you? What do you do, Alexis?”

  He rested his chin on his hand, his gaze locked on her, as if he was really interested in what she had to say. “I’m a writer, too.”

  “Oh, yeah? What do you write?”

  “Novels. Psychological thrillers.” While Chris reported on the smidgen of the seedier side of the otherwise bucolic landscape of Cedar Hill, Alexis created horrific crimes and the demented characters who committed them.

  “Funny how we’re both writers but took completely different paths.”

  “I was just thinking the same thing.”

  It had been a long time since she’d met a man who intrigued her as much as Chris di
d, from the intensity with which he focused on her, to the self-assured way he carried himself. Confident but not cocky. Most of the men she met were so full of themselves, when they were as screwed up as the next guy. But not Chris.

  Why couldn’t she have met him at a different time, in a different place—like in line for coffee or anywhere other than the bar? He may be showing an interest in her now, but he didn’t really know her. He only saw the image she portrayed sitting here at lunch, and drunken Alexis last night.

  * * *

  When Alexis had called his cell phone earlier, he’d planned to make sure she was safe, say goodbye, and get on with his life. But before he could stop himself, he’d invited her to lunch.

  He’d expected Alexis to decline… and his heart leapt when, after a hesitation, she said yes.

  The entire drive to the restaurant, he reminded himself that he was in no place to start a relationship with a woman. Especially one as complex as Alexis. But he couldn’t wipe her haunted look last night from his mind.

  He didn’t do relationships. Sex, yes. Commitment, no. How could he get involved when loving someone just meant heartache? But now that he was sitting across the table from Alexis, her blond hair reflecting the sunlight streaming through the window, her pale skin glowing and her eyes bright, his mind conjured images of future dates. He had to shut that line of thinking down right now.

  They’d done the typical “get to know you” banter while eating, but she’d managed to deflect each personal question. Somehow, she had gotten him to talk about himself. He never did that. Not with anyone. She’d have made a hell of a reporter.

  When he realized he’d monopolized most of the conversation, he was determined to learn a bit more about this intriguing woman and asked what he thought was an innocuous question.

  And she opened the floodgates as she went on and on about her career.

  Psychological thrillers? He understood the genre and enjoyed reading a fast-paced intrigue-filled story as much as the next guy. Previously, he’d been able to separate fiction from reality… until Robin. Now he visualized a dark side in almost everyone he met. He sure didn’t need it in his fiction.